Last night I was reminded of something.

I am in the right place. I am learning the lessons that I need to learn. Everything that happens is happening for a reason (not a "God" reason, but a learning reason).

But it's difficult to remember that sometimes too, especially when you're faced with opposition, or a lack of support, or disillusionment.


However, these are my lessons, so I better shut the hell up and go learn them.

Iraq

While I was cooking dinner tonight, my Iraqi neighbour struck up a conversation, both of us stirring pots while exchanging pleasantries.

Naqqa is studying to be a vet. She grew up in Iran after her family fled Saddam's regime. She returned to Iraq after the war, but has come back to Iran because vet courses aren't yet offered at Iraqi universities.

We started off lamenting how busy we are, chatting a little about AIESEC (of course!), and study. Then the conversation turned to Iraq, the situation there, what the people are like, the challenges that are presenting themselves, etc.

It started an itch. An itch to go there, to see what it's like. From what Naqqa tells me (although she did admit afterward that she watered it down so as not to shock me), there is still a great deal of corruption, and a lot of challenges faced by people who suddenly have freedom after 35 years of dictatorship. Unemployment is high, creating a ripe market for terrorists, recruiting these young people "to kill someone for 200 bucks".

A google search and a couple of hours later, and I'm a bit disapointed. It's difficult to find NGOs that are working there, it's harder to find jobs that aren't related to engineering, oil or security.

Naqqa was a bit sad to hear that AIESEC isn't present in Iraq, although she can understand why.

Bah, I just have a bunch of thoughts running around right now. Mostly:

• how could we introduce entrepreneurship to the young people?
• What's the saftey situation like, the universities, business?
• Could AIESEC be there, in 2 years? 5? 10?
• Is AIESEC the best way to make an impact? Are our ideals too lofty to make an immediate impact? What kind of immediate, useful action can be taken to rebuild Iraq from the everyday-people up, not the unstable-government down?
• What skills do I have? Could I make a difference there?
  
• What the hell am I thinking!?!

Actually, I'm terrified.

I've been reading an awful lot lately about people who lead unconventional lives. I've read about monks who sell printer ink, about people who support regular world travel by blogging, and about people who've challenged the status quo and inspired others to do so.

It's amazing, and inspiring. It's also scary as hell. I want to be different. I want to make a difference. I like the idea of being independent, of being out-there, of being able to support myself and my eventual family.

(You might have heard me talk about my dream to be my family's very own 'Crazy Auntie'. You know, the one that the nieces and nephews want to come see 'coz she's got weird things from all over the world on her walls, she always has stories to tell about that time she got lost in Azerbaijan, and celebrates obscure national holidays.)

BUT.

It's hard. It's scary. It's challenging, and it'll probably be a little lonely. It's exactly the opposite of the secure future we're all expected to have 'when we grow up'. It's so silly. I am exactly cut in half about all this. One half wants to do these things so badly, but the other half says "Kylie - don't be so stupid. It's risky, it's difficult, and besides, we know that you're really not up to the standards required for that kind of adventure. Go home, be safe. Be average - you can manage that.... probably."

So my plan to drive across half the world. It's possible. It's right there - I just need to work, save some money, buy the van and start driving. (plus the logistics of course).

But (again the 'but'), there's a voice in my head saying 'it's a pipedream, Kylie. That's something other people do. Not you. You're just not that amazing, and besides, it's unrealistic to think about something that wild'. Kylie Doesn't Like This.

So what do I do? I want to be unconventional. I like the idea of having a life filled with adventure and awesomeness. I want to have scrapbooks filled with stories and photographs. I want to be able to tell my kids that anything is possible - that NOTHING is a pipedream.

But this fear is really making these dreams seem impossible.

Crazy Plan #386

now -> June 2010: Iran

June 2010 -> June 2011: TN in Holland (or somewhere in Europe)

June 2011 -> December 2011: ROADTRIP!! Buy a van, and follow the Silk Road/Hippy Trail through Europe, the Middle East and Asia, and then down to Australia in time for Christmas.

All I need is someone crazy enough to come with me!

After that, it'll be time for 'real life' to start, but better late than never!

Berlin Wall

I'll let you draw all the fuzzy conclusions.

Being in sync with your friends can be fun - like saying the same thing at the same time, or passing a glance that can only mean one thing.

Being in sync with your friends can be comforting too - like when you're on opposite sides of the planet, asking yourselves the same questions.

The Faculty is dead quiet.

The internet is slow, intermittent and generally unreliable.

Mobile phone reception is also worse than normal.

Yes, there are more demonstrations today.

30 years ago today, Iranian students stormed the American Embassy and took the staff there hostage for 444 days. I heard rumours that there would be an attempt to take the Russian Embassy today, but I doubt that will occur. (The Russians also heard the rumour and stepped up security).

About 20 minutes away is Enghelab Square. According to the Australian and Dutch news, there are thousands of people down there now, protesting. There are reports of tear gas being used. That's why my VPX isn't in today - he lives down there.

Over lunch before, my friend said "I hope noone gets killed today". I agreed, and then I realised what we'd said. It's a strange reality we're living in.